Recently I was looking for a proper definition of the word “selflove”. I thought it is very difficult to define this term. But through special experiences, especially during my studies at university, I finally found my personal definition for this concept:

„selflove is the key to everything, especially your happiness.“

My definition of selflove

I was always taught by my loved ones to love me first. They told me to cut off the people, who aren’t good for me, not to hurry up unnecessarily with my studies and last but not least to pay attention to my health. And yes, everything I heard at this time was an expression of “selflove”. While it was hard for me to pay attention to these advices at a young age, I know today how to set boundaries and to follow my dreams without losing myself.

I always used to look up for others and take care of them before I cared about myself. It is still the case and it is something that I don’t want to change. Hence you would say, that I haven’t started to love me first, but I would say I have begun with the process of “selflove”.

„Selflove is not being egoistic and just focusing on yourself but finding the balance to care for someone while you don’t neglect your own person. That’s a difficult balancing act and this is the reason why a lot of people tend to fail in loving themselves.“

You have to consider, that everyone has their own definition of selflove. Due to the importance of selflove, I want you to reflect on that as well.

Too busy for selflove?

We are often busy with our studies and work, so that we forget ourselves. While visiting the university we try to study as fast as possible. Therefore, we are writing all the exams within a short period of time. This pressure on our shoulders has the consequence that some of us even get depressive or start to be unhappy. But it is hard to avoid this partially self-created pressure because we are afraid of disappointing society or even ourselves. And I can understand this, because I was thinking alike as well. I was always thinking about how many people I would disappoint instead of setting healthy boundaries and look for myself.

During the university-time, I wanted to pass all the exams very quickly, because I was afraid of the society, especially of the tamil community. But it took a while until I recognized that it was not worth it. Overstressing because of expectations of someone else is not only unhealthy, but also making it difficult to love yourself. The society won’t give you food on your plate, take care of your health or give you happiness. In the end other people won’t give you anything. Take care of yourself first, before you start take care of everyone else.

„Only you are responsible for your happiness and health. Nobody else!“

Why it is important to focus on ourselves

Although everything is in our hands, we pay too much attention to other people. Sometimes I look back and think I wasted my time only to make others happy. Unfortunately, it is the case – I wasted my time. But there is one thing I won’t never forget: Although it was a tough stage of my life, I have found my wonderful friends at the university, who took the mountains from my shoulders. And I always will be grateful to god, that I had the chance to be happy in a tough stage of my life.

That means my university-life wasn’t completely a waste of time because of my friends and I will never forget these people. I guess you’d agree with the fact, that behind every struggle there is a blessing. And in this case the blessing is represented by my wonderful friends. One thing you have to remember: People, who make you happy in an easy stage of life are easy to find in every corner of this world. More challenging is to find people, who are able to make you happy in a difficult situation.

The question I always ask myself is: “But what if I had not met these people?“ It would have been a waste for sure. Now as a master student I have changed my way of thinking. I don’t write so much exams in a short period of time anymore and look on myself before stressing me what everyone else could think. Believe me, I am feeling free now.

Choose your environment wisely

Everyone is aware of the fact, that we have to let go of the people, who aren’t good for us. Absolutely correct. We need people, who spread positive vibes. We need people, who bring the light in us. And we need people, who are the moon in our darkest time. Therefore, be selective. But I want to share with you something, that my wonderful friend used to tell me concerning this point.

“Even you get disappointed or hurt by your loved ones, it is not a solution to cut them off directly. Because your sorrow is smaller when you let them stay in your life and try to solve your problems, than the pain of letting them go.”

And this is something I will always keep in mind. Yes, some people in your life are worth it to suffer for a while. It is easy to cut off the people, but we have to keep in mind that nobody is perfect. Everyone of us has their flaws. Even you. We aren’t objects which can be thrown away easily. We are humans and believe me you will be proud of yourself, when you have managed to solve the problem you had with your loved ones, than to cut off that human. Therefore it is more challenging, because to decide when to give up on someone and when to fight for another person is depending on a lot of circumstances which aren’t sometimes in our control.

Change your habits

One new habit I started is to do workouts. Not because of I want to become a fitness model, but to take care of my body. Our body does everything for us. Nowadays it doesn’t get rest because of so much work we have to do. It is our duty to take time for our body, which has been our lifelong “companion”. Isn’t it? By doing something for your physical health, you are doing also something for your mental health.

As you see there are still so many things to do for yourself. But it is a process and it is never too late to start with it.

At this point i want to thank a lovely and wonderful friend, who is one of the best human beings in my eyes. She was able to believe in me that i will definitely begin to love myself one day. Five years ago, I thought it will never be the case.

„Love yourself first, always.“

Picture („Love yourself“) under Creative Commons License from Jeremy Segrott

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