Growing up in a small town in Malaysia, at a very young age, I was told to adhere to a certain way to live my life. It was as if everything had been determined and that I had to fit in this mould created by the society.

„Don’t do this. Don’t say that“ and the golden phrase „What will people say?“ How many of us can relate to this?“

My parents were separated when I was 10 years old and they were divorced when I was 12. I could still recall the phone call vividly. I stood there speechless, not knowing how to react, my little young brain could not make sense of anything. A minute ago, I was this happy child who just got home from cycling and the next thing I knew, my father telling me he is never coming back.

My world came crashing down around me and before I could grasp what was going on, I already had a label written on my forehead.

„I became the outcast, the underdog and the society’s benchmark. Whoever who did better than me, was better off.“

Fitting in vs. Being the Outcast

My childhood was taken away from me without submission and life said, „Welcome to the real world!“. There was no starter pack kit or a life manual handed to me on embracing the new challenges life threw at me and not forgetting the new titles bestowed upon me by society. Although, I wished people were given lessons and workshops on how to mind their own business. I was stepping into my adolescence stage of life and all I wanted was to be a normal teenager having normal teenage issues, hitting puberty, preventing breakouts, exams and deciding between Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera. NO! Obviously, that was not how the story goes.

My mother is a very soft-hearted woman who does not say much. However, when she wants to get her point across, she does it in a very ‘subtle’ way which sticks like a Super Glue for life. She gave me an ultimatum to either stay in school or quit school (which meant that she would marry me off once I turn 18). That was when it struck me that it was her way of emphasizing on the importance of having an education.

It was when I knew that my education was my golden ticket. My mother juggled two jobs to put food on the table. Her hours were not nine to five, which meant we saw very less of each other and I was left to be independent at a young age. Soon, whispers about my mother flew around town and her parenthood was scrutinised.

The Shady Side of not Fitting in – Being invisible

„As the months passed, we stopped receiving invitations to social events, religious functions and people did not want to be associated with us. I did not know back then that being divorced was such a taboo and it was not acceptable by the society. However, if you are rich and having an affair, it’s fine (brown hypocrisy).“

As long as I can remember, I have always been a very vocal and outspoken person. My mother used to say that the moment I started picking up words at 9 months young, I would go on and on.

„Being a young teenager not being heard, I felt invisible.“

When I tried to speak up, I was referred to as the troubled teenager who was crying for attention. As the saying goes „When life gives you lemons, make lemonade“. I thought to myself, what was the worst thing that could happen? The worst has passed and there is nothing more to lose. See, I had dreams, I have big dreams. I had a whiteboard hung up my bedroom wall with my life goals written all over it. So, I decided to focus on my goals and dreamt of all the possibilities that could be.

„I refused to fit in the mould which the society tried to put me in. I wasn’t going to allow anyone to define who I was going to be. The more someone said ‘No, you can’t!’, the more I said, ‘Yes, I can. Watch me!’.“

I was such a rebel, in a good way. When it came to choose a major in high school, I was told not to dream big because I was poor and could not afford university fees. Instead, I was encouraged to enrol to become a teacher.

Defying the Norm – Being ME

Where I was from, it was embedded in the society’s norm that in order to be successful and respected, you have to be a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer. If you can’t be one, you should try to marry one. What happened to the rest of the career options? Last I checked, Indira Nooyi wasn’t a doctor, lawyer nor an engineer. I completed my undergraduate degree in a local university and then after received a full scholarship to pursue my masters in France by the French government.

One of my dreams was to see the Eiffel tower, guess I got more than what I bargained for. On my graduation day, I was honoured to give a speech. There I was standing in front of thousands, with my head held high, telling the younger me, ‘You did it’.

„Let me remind you that success is defined by achieving YOUR goals which YOU have set for YOURSELF. Success is not measured by competing with others nor by anyone’s standards and definition. Maya Angelou said, ‘If you’re always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be’.“

It’s been over 8 years since I left Malaysia, I have moved to 2 countries and lived in 3 cities. The only time I look back is to see how far I’ve come and the things I have achieved over the years. Even the small experiences matter, because it made me the young woman I am today.

„Challenges and barriers are always there to strengthen us. So, never give up. From where I stand today, nothing is impossible. I was never meant to fit it simply because, I am ME.“

Additions

Picture („lost (explored)“) under Creative Commons License by Aishia

If you want to know more about Vanitha and her journey, follow her on instagram.

This article was created as an enriching guest post for this blog. Do you also have one or more stories that you want to share with the readers and make them think? Then click here: Become a guest author and learn in which simple steps you can make a contribution to this blog.